I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
