Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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