I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
