You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
