Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
how does that bad decision feel?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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