he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
