She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
be right there i have to get my cape
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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