Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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