Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
