In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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