don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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