So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
