Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
