not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
