I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
