OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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