I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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