just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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