Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
