You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize