4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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