My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
