Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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