If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
