R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
