She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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