The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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