Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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