I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
