My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
