He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
