Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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