I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it because I queefed?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hippo gnu deer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
