I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They are going to name an STD after you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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