I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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