gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
