the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
