its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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