i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
