eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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