You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
