I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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