I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
