there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
