Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
