The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
