Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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