I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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