If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
