Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
