Pappa wants mamma naked
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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