Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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