FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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