He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Randomize
