Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
