I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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