He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
