Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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