i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
