Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
