Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
