I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
