dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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