at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
