So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
